So I should be doing homework and studying for a the final that I have on Wednesday but I decided that this was more important. I finally remembered my user name and password for this :P so I decided I needed to get some of these thoughts that are invading my mind out on paper...or rather on this computer screen.
So I was just sitting here going through and making a study play list to listen to as I "studied". Some bored moron im'ed me from 2 screenames that I didn't recognize asking me what my name was or whatever (p.s if anyone knows who SillieGoose4Life is I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know this person's name and where they live so I can repay them and if this is one of my friends sorry I was a little annoyed) Anyway continuing with the playlist, it's really pretty amazing how each song has a different emotion for me; a different memory of a person singing to it or a place where I first heard it or something like that. And I realized, the reason I like music so much is because it holds all of these memories. Sometimes those that escape me and it takes just that one song to remind me of the drive to Dietz's going away party or the time my mom and I danced around the living room to the Eagles when I was 8 or the time Tim started blarring his music and jumping around the hall on the 4th floor of McKee Hall (which btw I will be living in this coming fall :D...finally not just an STS groupie).
These memories help me escape the crap that's going on now in my life and makes me realize that there were those wonderful moments in my life and there will be many more...one for every song I hear plus many more that aren't attached to the music in my napster playlist. The other day I went to a wonderful Penn State event at the BJC and it only cost my $10 which was very hott. This was just the beginning of a very good memory. And lo and behold there was music involved. An artist who I'd never heard before, Ben Lee was the opening act. At first I wasn't sure if I was going to like his music. Matt certainly didn't appreciate it he was however amused with the girl in the group who was dancing her booty off. One of the last songs they played really made me happy. I took it to be about life and the song delivered a message that, no matter what you go through, you aren't alone, everyone goes through shit and it is okay in the end...oh and something about math doesn't matter(this part really made me smile because my calc teacher was there and I'm sure he got this message and will now give us all A's because...we'll it doesn't matter). Anyway it would be awesome if everyone in the crowd felt just as uplifted as I did after this song. I'm sure the people on the floor did because they were going crazy at this point. So this thought was generated by the idea that no matter what crap we go through everything will be okay.
You see, I just got off the phone with my mom. Right now she is miserable and at the same time she is driving me crazy with the nagging thing lately. I want to talk to her and help her feel better about the stuff she is dealing with but I can't stand to be on the phone with her for more than half an hour, if that because of her nagging me about coming home, about money that I shouldn't be spending, about partying too much, about everything it seems. She is trying to help me instead of dealing with her own issues because she doesn't want to deal with them. This is understandable. However, when I try to help her and explain things to her she doesn't understand why I am optimistic, forgive so easily and selfless(her words). I never really knew that I was being these things I just think that life is too freaking short to waste on these petty little problems (like math, which brings us to the song above). So, whoever you are, don't let the issues with money, family and friends stuff, or any of these issues that might be weighing you down control you. Don't make them the focus of your day...I understand that you can't ignore them completely and can't stop dealing with them. But before you make any moves or start to feel miserable just take a step back. Look outside your window or go do some people watching and look at all of the people around you. Everyone is in a boat similar to yours. There is not one person in this world without something to deal with. Some people hide it better than others and some people end up on the streets sleeping on benches because of their struggles. But no matter what you do...live today like tomorrow won't come. If today you had all of this crap to deal with but you knew that tomorrow you would die, what would you do. Please don't go and spend all of your money and go even more into debt because you just read this but never let these problems get you down, please. You can't change what happened or where you are today you can only make tomorrow better.
That speech was not only to all of you people who read this but also to myself right now. Because even though I can tell you this and I truly mean it, it is sometimes really hard to believe it and do it. Some days I feel hopeless and like nothing will ever change or get better. Today was one of those days. I've been thinking alot lately about the relationships I've been in in the past and I'm wondering what I could have done to make those work. And when I think I found someone who really is amazing he lives hours away and goes to school even further away and I don't know how he feels. He's supposed to visit in the fall, but then I think, how in the world would it ever work? And then there's the money issues which I am kind of ignoring right now because I dont want to deal with them at this moment...way too much shit to think about and then there's classes which I am hoping and praying to pass and do well in...even thought right now it looks like I'll pass but the doing well thing might not happen. On that note, I think it's a good idea to go and actually do my chem homework that's due tomorrow. Good night all.
P.S. My cheer from a few nights ago: "To life, because it's good". (just something to think about)
Current Mood: 
contemplativeCurrent Music: Somwhere Only We Know - Keane
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
cornyb_17's journal
disappointed
content
bouncy